Sat 24 May 2014 (Barcelona)

I returned from the Cannes Film Market a few days ago.

The Cannes Film Festival ends tonight.

Some of the prizes have already been awarded. Hungarian director Kornél Mundruczó has won the ‘Un Certain Regard’ prize for White God – a film about a canine uprising. He therefore also won the ‘Palme Dog’ award a few days ago (seriously). The jury prize in the same section of ‘Un Certain Regard’ went to Swedish director Ruben Ostlund’s Force Majeure, about a family in crisis during a skiing vacation. Outgoing Cannes president Gilles Jacob apparently took to the stage during the awards for ‘Un Certain Regard’, first created in 1978, to say that he wanted to celebrate ‘unpronounceable names from our foreign lands’. I’d been hoping that British writer/director Andrew Hulme’s Snow in Paradise was going to win something. I’d briefly met the producer, Christine Alderson from Ipso Facto Films, at the European Film Market in Berlin, and had been following her experiences at a UK Film seminar, press conferences and on the red carpet at Cannes – but despite the great reviews, the film’s team received no awards. Perhaps their names weren’t unpronounceable enough.

The top prizes for the main selection, the Palme d’Or, will be awarded tonight during the closing ceremony at the ‘Palais del Festivals’, with jury president Jane Campion announcing the winners. Mike Leigh’s Mr.Turner received rave reviews and must be in with a chance to win the main prize, with Timothy Spall as possible ‘best actor’ for his role as the painter JMW Turner. But some say that as it was shown so early in the competition (it was the first of 18 films competing), it might not be ‘uppermost’ in the jurors’ minds. From the reviews I’ve read, I predict that Spall will win best actor – Marion Cotillard will win best actress for her role in Two Days, One Night – but that the Palme d’Or will go to …

Russian director Andrey Zvyagintsev’s Leviathan.

Why?

Not just because it has received rave reviews (The Guardian has described it as a ‘masterpiece … a movie with real grandeur’), or that it was the last film to be screened in competition – or that the director is unpronounceable enough. It was also snubbed by Russia’s minister of culture Vladimir Medinsky, who cancelled plans to join the film’s delegation on the red carpet at Cannes, stating that he ‘did not like it’ and that there was ‘abundant profanity’ in the script. What better publicity? What with Pussy Riot, the Sochi Olympics, the on-going homosexual persecution, the invasion of Ukraine – and now even Prince Charles comparing Putin to Hitler … Russia hasn’t exactly enjoyed the best of Cannes, either. I heard that many Russian film executives had to cancel their travel plans and hotel reservations, with reports that their credit cards weren’t working, thanks to the international monetary sanctions.

It might be that Medinsky snubbed Leviathan because it is a powerful drama of local corruption and intimidation set in Putin’s contemporary Russia. It tells the tale of a family man stripped of his seaside home by the crooked mayor of a small North Russia town.

So, thanks to the snub from its culture minister, is Russia about to receive its Cannes ‘moment’? A little bit like the anti-Russia Eurovision ‘moment’, but without the beard and the dress …

In the meantime, I must press on with the film we are producing. I now say ‘we’ because the Cannes Film Market meetings couldn’t have gone any better. It is a UK-Spain co-production, with no Russian participation, and I’m 100% sure we won’t be snubbed by any British or Spanish culture minister on a red carpet a year from now …

(To be continued … )

Monday 19 May 2014 (Cannes)

It’s our last night in Cannes … at least for this year.

I don’t think it could have gone any better.

Now waiting for Right Said Fred to turn up for an ‘impromptu’, ‘unplugged’, ‘acoustic’ performance – whatever that exactly means. I’ve been asking them for the past 3 days about ‘the concert’ – and all they ever reply is, ‘It’s not a f*****g concert’.

Tomorrow, first thing, I head back to Barcelona. I will update on the ‘concert’ when I arrive …

(To be continued)

Sunday 18 May 2014 (Cannes)

Quick update.

Sunday – often a day of contrasts – especially today. Around 11am, I buy my Sunday Times from a news kiosk near the ‘Théâtre Debussy’, where they’re hoovering the red carpet in preparation of an elegant lunchtime premiere of Spanish director Jaime Rosales’ Hermosa Juventud (‘Beautiful Youth’) – a film about two lovers, aged 20, struggling to survive in today’s Spain – and which is competing in the ‘Un Certain Regard’ competition of the Cannes Film Festival.  Then I stroll further along the Croisette, trying to make my way to a meeting at the Carlton Hotel, and I see totally the opposite of ‘beautiful youth’ …

The elderly yet mega-franchise stars, Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Mel Gibson and Harrison Ford, all riding on top of tanks to promote the forthcoming Expendables 3 movie. ‘We are children with arthritis, we are young forever,’ Stallone said at the press conference later on, when he was asked how he and his co-stars would know when it was time to stop acting in action films. ‘I think if you wake up in the morning and your ass falls off, it’s time to retire,’ he added.

The Expendables franchise has made about $580m at the box office to date. The first two films were rated R, whilst the new one will be PG-13 – which means it will probably gross even more. Jason Statham, Antonio Banderas, Wesley Snipes and Dolph Lundgren were also there – also on tanks.

Tonight I’m going to try to gatecrash the Expendables party, although I think I’ll need a tank to succeed. Watch this space …

(To be continued … )

Fri 16 May 2014 (Cannes)

As explained in part (1), this ‘diary-blog’ is supposed to be (and will be), part ‘present day’ as well as ‘flashbacks’ – the flashback bits to explain how I’ve got where I am today with the film project, and where I’m now going with it. If you stick with me, I’ll take you all the way (eventually) up the red carpet. But whilst I’m here in Cannes, in between meetings, I only have time to write brief updates on some fun moments each day …

So … Friday 16 May 2014. Fred and Richard Fairbrass have arrived – better known as ‘Right Said Fred’. If needed, here is some information about them. These are some of my favourite ‘Fred Facts’:

With over 200 million CDs sold worldwide, Right Said Fred have achieved multi-platinum status and also won two Ivor Novello Awards, for ‘I’m Too Sexy’ and ‘Deeply Dippy’. Before forming the band, the Fairbrass brothers had played with Bob Dylan, David Bowie and Mick Jagger. Right Said Fred are the first UK band since The Beatles to reach the number one slot in the USA with a debut single. Their many hits also include the Comic Relief hit, ‘Stick it Out’, ‘Don’t Talk, Just Kiss’, and ‘Stand Up (For the Champions)’, which was a top 10 hit in Germany and even No.1 in Japan. ‘Stand Up’ became a hugely popular anthem for sports channels and sporting events, including at the Super Bowl and World Cup, where Right Said Fred performed live at the 2006 opening World Cup ceremony in front of 200,000 people at the Brandenburg Gate in Berlin – can you imagine that? They were also special guests at the Bollywood Awards in Mumbai in front of a live TV audience of 200 million. Tom Hanks impersonated Right Said Fred on ‘Saturday Night Live’, singing “don’t cut off my testicles”. Oh … and Madonna once publicly expressed her desire to go to bed with Richard Fairbrass – in front of 60m viewers on the USA’s Arsenio Hall Show.

Fred and Richard, along with Johnny Depp, Liam Neeson and Sting (only ‘legends’) made a special appearance on Ricky Gervais’ hit TV series, ‘Life’s Too Short’ – and the brothers also appeared in cameo roles in the Universal Pictures UK movie, Gridiron.

Personally, I think Fred and Richard are two of the most interesting, funniest, kindest, ‘coolest’, dynamic, creative, generous, talented, ‘ageless’ and down-to-earth guys I’ve met for many, many years. I could spend hours listening to their stories and experiences (and there are many) – and I feel incredibly lucky to have been introduced to them in the first place and to now be sharing some time with them here in Cannes.

As soon as they arrived – yesterday afternoon – within an hour of just being here, they were invited to perform at a club on Monday night …

Why are they here? For several reasons. They’ve just filmed a British comedy-gangster-style movie called ‘Meet Pursuit Delange’, currently in post-production and already creating a terrific buzz here at Cannes. And they’re also ‘on board’ for my own project – not just with some very funny cameo roles (even though I say so myself), but also working on new song ideas for the ‘original sountrack’ … all to be announced in due course. So, Fred and Richard being the type of great guys they are, have come to Cannes to enjoy their very first film festival, and to also support me, and to accompany me to some meetings …

Strolling with them between a couple of meetings today, they are frequently stopped by people in the street, posing for selfies and more – and they’re happy to chat to anyone who wants to chat with them. Including Spandau Ballet …

The moment occurs as we arrive for a meeting at the ‘Plage Royale’ beach pavilion, opposite the Grand Hotel. We are to have coffee with an important film finance group, but as we arrive, Spandau Ballet’s Tony Hadley – in Cannes with Martin Kemp to promote ‘Soul Boys of the Western World’, a documentary about the band – catches sight of ‘The Freds’ and calls out. Suddenly there’s alot of loud laughter and bear-hugging going on between Tony, Martin, Fred and Richard – they’re clearly all delighted to see one another again.

And me? Well, I’m just standing there, looking a complete … prat, to be honest … in my jacket and stripey shirt, cufflinks, sweating rather profusely in the sun … wondering when they’re all going to stop hugging one another. Obviously I’m Not Sexy Enough to be strolling around Cannes with Right Said Fred, or to be hugged and kissed by Spandau Ballet. But then suddenly my moment comes.

‘Are you coming to our drinks party tonight?’ Tony Hadley asks Richard.
‘We can’t,’ says Richard. ‘We’ve got other plans … with Tim.’

So there you go.
It’s more important (and fun) to go out on a date with me rather than with Spandau Ballet …

Don’t ever forget that.

(To be continued …)

Thurs 15 May 2014 (Cannes)

Today, ‘Right Said Fred’ arrived in Cannes.

Apparently we’re going to have some ‘soundtrack meetings’.

And there’s a rumour about a little concert.

Normal service will resume with the ‘Making a Movie’ blog in due course …

(To be continued)

Weds 14 May 2014 (Cannes)

Forget all the pre-premiere controversy surrounding the film, ‘Grace of Monaco’ – the after-premiere party is incredible …

It takes me about 7 hours to drive to Cannes from Barcelona, including a detour to pick up some ‘trailer’ DVDs from my director, for various meetings that I have.

I finally arrive at 4pm, in time to collect my market badge and ‘goodie bag’ full of film catalogues, before heading off to see a screening being held by our Spanish co-producer …

I have no idea where I’m staying – but I’m told there’s a sofa-bed somewhere in a couple of apartments that my good friends at Park Entertainment from London are renting. Park is a respected film & TV sales and distribution company run by the charming Jim Howell (together with his son, Paul) – who I first met at my first AFM in November 2004, after pitching my script to him. I’ve since learned a great deal from him over the years (including not to pitch any more scripts to him). Not only has he more than guided me on the project, I’ve followed him to Cannes twice before, and back to AFM, too. Over the past 10 years, he’s turned up to support me at my book launch and even had to witness me making an arse of myself trying stand-up at London’s Comedy Store. If you can face that, you can face anything.

So … Grace of Monaco. You’ve probably read about it already. In a statement released last week, the Monaco royal palace called the movie ‘totally fictional’ and based on inaccurate and dubious information, stating that the film cannot be considered a biopic. Their statement said that ‘the trailer appears to be a farce and confirms the totally fictional nature of this film. It reinforces the certainty, left after reading the script, that this production, a page of the Principality’s history, is based on erroneous and dubious historical references. The director and producers refused to take into consideration the many observations made by the Palace because these called into question the entire script and the characters of the film.’

On top of this, there have been reports that the movie has been the subject of a tiff between director Olivier Dahan and producer Harvey Weinstein, with the former saying that his film is finished but that he doesn’t want to sign off on a version The Weinstein Co. would like to release in the States, where it is still waiting for a release date. I’m not sure if all this has been blown out of proportion or not. Explaining that his schedule was double-booked, it’s true that Harvey Weinstein failed to make the red-carpet premiere in Cannes … otherwise I would have pounced on him again …

Instead, I pounced on the beautiful Paz Vega at the after-party at Studio 5, at the Palm Beach end of La Croisette …

(To be continued)

13 May 2014

… so, to continue …

In November 2004, nearly 10 years ago now, I went to my first ever film market – to ‘AFM’, the American Film Market, in Santa Monica, Los Angeles. But I had absolutely no idea what it was.

I’d initially gone to LA and downtown Hollywood for a ‘Screenwriting Expo’ – 4 days of seminars, workshops, talks, discussions and pitching – as my original plan was to try and sell the screenplay I’d written (by then, thanks mainly to Final Draft software, it was in better shape than the original 1998 pencilled version). Someone at the ‘Screenwriting Expo’ suggested that I should also head to ‘AFM’, which was being held the week after. So I did. At the time, I knew what actors, agents and directors did, but I had no clear understanding about the difference between producers, co-producers, executive producers, line producers or associate producers, nor sales agents and distributors, or the meaning of terms such as pre-sales, negative pickups, gap financing, completion guarantees, ‘independent v studio’, ‘domestic v foreign’, let alone ‘above’ or ‘below the line’ items on a ‘line-produced budget’. I also thought that international ‘B.O.’ meant something other than ‘Box Office’. At the time, it didn’t matter. I was in LA, in Hollywood, in ‘la-la-land’. I was briefly living the dream. Things suddenly got exciting and I was invited to drop the script in at Paramount Pictures. Maybe I was naïve but it felt good. I even phoned Patsy Parfitt, my dear mother, from the famous ‘studio-lot’ to tell her where I was standing. [‘Guess where I am. Guess, Patsy.’ ‘I can’t, it’s one in the morning.’] I simply believed that everyone who said that they loved my script, and loved me (or maybe it was my British accent, I can’t quite remember) and really, really, really wanted to make my movie, were genuinely, no, honestly, seriously, really, really, really speaking the truth. I had a lot to learn.

At that first AFM, I soon learnt that a ‘film market’ is mainly where sales agents and distributors meet to negotiate the sale/purchase/licensing of film distribution rights for territories around the world. Mainly for films that are already complete, or in post-production, or currently filming – i.e., ‘in production’. Also for films that are officially in ‘pre-production’. And sometimes, sometimes for films that are just ‘in development’, but only if there are strong talent elements attached, such as a star actor or star director, or if the screenplay is written by a renowned screenwriter, or adapted from a bestselling novel, or simply irresistible.

But whilst the real business side of the film market focused on sales and distribution deals, many independent producers, studio ‘scouts’, film financiers, literary and talent agents, also attended … many looking for the ‘next project’. As William Goldman, my hero, (and much more on him later) wrote in his excellent book, ‘Hype & Glory’ … “No matter how much shit you may have heard or read, movies are finally only about one thing: THE NEXT JOB. Everyone in the business – I mean giant star actor, star director, studio head, all the way down to screenwriter – is ultimately obsessed with that and only that. The next job.”

The Cannes Film Market is the world’s most important film market – and the Cannes Film Festival places a big emphasis on its parallel event as a way of promoting the ‘dual cultural and economic nature of cinema’.

Here are some figures for you: at the Cannes Film Market, the Marché du Film, there will be 5,049 companies, 11,700 participants from 108 countries, 397 exhibitors, and 1,341 screenings. A total of 5,364 films are represented this year, of which 3,101 are already completed, and 3,340 being presented for the first time at a market. There will be approximately 20,000 film professionals descending upon Cannes this week, including 3,200 producers, 2,300 theatrical distributors and 1,500 sales agents. A lot of them looking for the next project …

[Quick flashback]: Monday, 18th May 2009 – my first ever visit to Cannes. It is my last day. Before driving back to Barcelona, some producer friends in London have recommended that I should pay a visit to the Hôtel du Cap, Eden-Roc, the address of which, ‘Boulevard JF Kennedy, Antibes’, midway between St.Tropez and Monaco, ‘perched on a rocky promontory overlooking the Mediterranean’ is tempting enough. Sure enough, the world’s most celebrated artists, writers, film stars and politicians have apparently ‘strolled the jasmine-scented gardens and sipped the signature Bellinis in the bar’ … but I order a Coca Cola for 8 euros, which is all I can afford. I sit back to admire the starlets strutting in and out, trying to picture Gary Grant, F.Scott Fitzgerald, or Burton & Taylor propping up the bar … when in walks Harvey Weinstein, the man who has apparently been thanked more times than God during the Oscar speeches. Now … if you know me, you’ll know that I can’t resist it. I can’t stop myself.

‘Hi, Harvey!’ I say, getting up and offering my hand for him to shake.

‘Oh, hi!’ says Harvey, friendly enough – shaking hands – yet squinting down at my Cannes market badge, trying to work out if he really knows me, or whether I’m just another crank. There’s a brief silence once he’s figured it out.

‘I imagine you must get so fed up with people pitching to you all the time, right?’ I say.

Harvey smiles, even laughs. He seems very friendly.

‘Yeah, sometimes,’ he says, ‘but it’s OK … what is it?’

So I pitch my project to him. And he’s charming.

This week will be my third visit to the Cannes Film Market. This time I’m heading there with the project entering pre-production. I have an award-winning director, as well as Spanish and British producers ‘on board’. I have a star Hollywood actress ‘attached’ (sorry, I can’t announce names yet). I have sales agents negotiating to represent the film. I have film boards/commissions offering their support. I have key locations secured. I have talent agents in LA and London helping. I even have some very cool and famous guys working on some great soundtrack ideas. It’s been hard, hard work – still is and still will be – but thanks to the people who believe in me, we’re going to make it happen …

You might even find us in the bar of the Hôtel du Cap again …

(To be continued …)

11 May 2014

With my film project now moving from ‘development’ to what’s known as ‘pre-production’, I have decided to write a new blog-diary (and who knows, hopefully one day a book) about trying to get a movie made, as well as actually now making a movie.

You don’t have to read it – although you already know that. But I mention it because I’m writing it for myself more than anything. I want to catch up on my diaries and finally put my ‘film journey’ down on paper, in order, and into perspective. If you do read it, and if you know little or nothing about the film business (as I once did – and I still have so much to learn), then it might interest or even intrigue you. If you already know a lot about the film business, then it might at least amuse you. You might even recognise some of the ‘scenes’ or characters.

It will be a blog written as a present day ‘diary’, but to include ‘flashbacks’ – hopefully in the order that they occurred. You can skip the flashbacks if you like (I will indicate when they arise) – but they might help to understand where I am today with the movie (which is in a very exciting place) and, if anything, they’ll prove my determination and perseverance, or insanity. Especially if you take into account that my very first pencil-scribbled draft of the script was written in 1998 – 16 years ago – and I’d had the idea of the plot over 10 years before that – 27 years ago. So it’s taken a while. But the best things in life always do. So here goes … Making a Movie (1):

This Wednesday I am heading to Cannes for a few days, where the Cannes Film Festival (14-25 May 2014) kicks off. Mention ‘Cannes’ to most people and a glitzy, sexy extravaganza of red-carpet catwalk-premieres instantly comes to mind. A chic Croisette packed with rat-pack movie stars, hot-shot producers, botoxed-bimbos and collagen-lipped ditzy groupies, helicopters, yachts and limos full of glam, glitz, gushing or garish glitterati, a crème de la crème of waif-like femme fatales in haute couture all air-kissing one another whilst living their 15 beau monde minutes of joie de vivre.

Yeah, it’s a bit like that, I guess …

The Festival has just turned 65. This year the competition jury is comprised of 9 high profile directors, screenwriters, producers, actors and actresses, including Jane Campion, Carole Bouquet, Sofia Coppola, William Dafoe and Gael García Bernal. 18 films will compete for the prestigious ‘Palm d’Or’ (Golden Palm) in the official ‘Competition’ section – films that are representative of ‘auteur cinema with a wide audience appeal’. The 18 films include work from directors such as David Cronenberg, Jean-Luc Goddard, Tommy Lee Jones, Mike Leigh and Ken Loach. A further 21 films compete in the category of ‘Un Certain Regard’, which focuses on works that have ‘an original aim and aesthetics’. There are further films screening ‘Out of Competition’, as well as categories of ‘Midnight Screenings’, ‘Special Screenings’, ‘Cannes Classics’ (of which Sophia Loren will be the guest of honour), ‘Cinéfondation’ and a ‘Short Film Competition’. On 24 May, as well as announcing the films winning the Palm d’Or, Grand Prix or Jury Prize, awards will also be given to best director, best actor, actress, screenplay, short film, student film and first feature film.

So, yes, it’s a glitzy extravaganza of red-carpet catwalk-premieres … but that’s the Cannes Film Festival.

I’m off to the Cannes Film Market – the ‘Marché du Film’. The Cannes Film Market runs from 14-23 May, parallel to the Festival. In fact the Market rubs glitzy shoulder-pads with the Festival, so some of the glitter sticks … but it’s still … well, just a ‘market’ – and something I’ve had to learn over the years.

In November 2004, nearly 10 years ago now, I went to my first ever film market – to ‘AFM’, the American Film Market, in Santa Monica, Los Angeles. But I had absolutely no idea what it was …

(To be continued …)