My starting salary at Condé Nast’s Vogue in London in November 1978 (aged 18) was £2,500 per annum, plus, crucially, “luncheon vouchers to the value of 60p per day”. I was reminded of the luncheon vouchers whilst watching the first part of the documentary Absolutely Fashion: Inside British Vogue (BBC2), having finally caught up with it on BBC iPlayer. The second part is broadcast tonight.

Fashion director Lucinda Chambers mentions the luncheon vouchers whilst chatting with the world famous photographer Mario Testino, after a cover shoot with Edie Campbell, the top model. Chambers – who the documentary maker Richard Macer takes delight in pointing out, has been at Vogue for 36 years (I remember her joining) – explains how she and Mario first met. ‘We both lived in squats when we were young,’ she says. ‘Mario used to come to the office … because in those days we were given luncheon vouchers … and Mario had no money, so I used to share my luncheon vouchers with him.’ ‘Those luncheon vouchers fed me and kept me going,’ adds Mario. Same for me, Mario. In fact, at the very same time and on the same fifth floor at Vogue House, Hanover Square, I was at the other end of the corridor, scoffing away, refusing to share my luncheon vouchers with anyone …

This two-part documentary has been pitched as a film following British Vogue for a year, ‘seeing how the magazine is put together’. The first part only showed how the fashion pages and the cover are put together, however – the more glamorous side of the business – and I imagine tonight’s episode will be more of the same. The camera, perhaps understandably, seems to linger around the fashion department and editor’s office, and it never ventures off down the corridors to find the commercial and marketing teams, the production and promotions departments, the classified and display advertising sales executives, or the circulation and finance staff. But I guess that wouldn’t make very exotic TV. It would be like any other office. It would be like … well, The Office.

Richard Macer says in the first part that editor-in-chief Alexandra Shulman wants the magazine covers to appeal more to the ‘Instagram generation’. Shulman herself admits that her biggest task is to balance the ‘iconic model image’ of Vogue with the ‘democratic [Instagram-style] conversation’ of the present day.

With London Fashion Week starting tomorrow (until Sept 20), ‘social media versus monthly fashion magazines’ is a big issue, and getting bigger every day. Years ago, I believe it was the fashion retail chain Zara who first exploited digital photography and video during the catwalk shows of the major Italian and French designers – even before ‘social media’ was invented. Suddenly, they could photograph and film the new collections and then immediately send the images back to their own factories – to then not exactly ‘copy’ the designs, fabrics and patterns, but certainly ‘immitate’ them. Within weeks (sometimes days), the cheaper and more ‘accessible’ versions of top fashion designs would be available in the Zara stores. It was the key to their incredible success – and many other high street chains have followed suit.

The top designers themselves, of course, have also fought back. In the Absolutely Fashion: Inside British Vogue documentary, there is a moment when the Italian designer, Stefano Gabbana, explains to Alexandra Shulman that during his catwalk show, ‘We have an application, and the girl/model [on the runway] will shoot a selfie, and [the image] goes straight onto the web … ’

‘Very clever… yeah … you love your web,’ replies Shulman. But I’m left wondering if she’s wondering what I’m wondering: how long before the fashion designers don’t need the magazine, any magazine, to get their designs and messages out there …

So far I’ve found the two-part documentary, officially to mark the centenary year of British Vogue, a little superficial – but that’s down to Richard Macer, and certainly not Shulman or Chambers. A whole host of ‘star-studded events’ have been lined up to commemorate the year, including a huge exhibition of Vogue photography at the National Portrait Gallery. As well as Stefano Gabbana, Hugh Jackman and Victoria Beckham also appear in ‘cameo’-style roles, whilst Macer thinks ‘that Anna Wintour uses Snapchat and Karl Lagerfeld might be on Twitter’. Wow, golly, imagine that. Nothing seems particularly well researched by Macer, either – and his interview with Kate Moss (although she does say she hates being interviewed) is banal, despite her standing there in a stage-suit once worn by Mick Jagger. For me, it doesn’t match the excellent September Issue – a film about the making of US Vogue’s biggest edition of the year, ‘starring’ Anna Wintour and Grace Coddington. Back to Macer’s documentary, apparently Patsy and Edina from Absolutely Fabulous give their views on British Vogue’s legacy in tonight’s episode, which might be a little risky …

Having said all that, there’s no doubt that Alexandra Shulman is a brilliant editor – and I know that from past and part-experience. She was our features editor on Tatler, if I recall correctly, and then she also edited and transformed GQ before taking on British Vogue in 1992. By then I was in Madrid, where I’d been sent to ‘help’ on the launch of Vogue España, before staying on to run Condé Nast in Spain and also launch Spanish GQ. I’d coincide with Shulman and Chambers at various catwalk shows in Paris and Milan, and so I know how hard they work – and I also know how difficult and correct Shulman’s cover decisions were in the first part of the documentary. You only get 12 covers a year on Vogue. She was so right to turn down the jingoistic Union Jack cover version of Kate Moss, despite her entire team thinking otherwise  – and even more astute to swap Moss for Rihanna to beat US Vogue by a month. And I imagine there’ll be something in the episode tonight about HRH The Duchess of Cambridge gracing the cover of this year’s June issue … the official edition to celebrate Vogue’s 100 years … and a great coup by a great editor.

I tried stand-up comedy 30 times during the period of 12 months, from October 2012 to October 2013 (this time last year). I ‘performed’ in Barcelona, Madrid, London, New York and Edinburgh. Most of it is documented in these ‘Stand Up’ blogs. It all started with Logan Murray’s brilliant comedy course, continued for a while with a TV documentary crew following me to London and the famous Comedy Store to shoot for a possible fly-on-the-wall pilot, and ‘culminated’ with me delivering four lunchtime ‘shows’ of 45 minutes each during the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. It was an experience I will never forget and one I probably would never want to repeat (but never say never). So – I last did stand-up comedy a year ago, in the final of the Barcelona International Comedy Festival. And tonight I am one of the judges for the same competition …

How do you judge comedy? On laughs, mainly. But it’s not as simple as that. Tonight we’ve got to also take in the writing, creativity, presence, performance, potential and timing. Not just comedy timing – but the time spent on stage.

I’ve been going back through some of these comedy blogs, re-reading my own experiences and observations about the craft and ‘business’ of comedy – and I believe they all ring true for the performers tonight. There’s comedy and comedy and comedy and comedy. Not everyone laughs at the same thing. Some comedians that you find funny, others loathe. There’s a big difference between the comedy of Harry Hill and Eddie Izzard, for example, or Peter Kay and Louis C.K., Jennifer Saunders and Bridget Christie, Jack Whitehall and Ruby Wax … or the ‘true alternative’ comedians such as Stewart Lee compared to the ‘stadium family comedy’ of Michael McIntyre/John Bishop … it goes on and on. There are comedians who play it deadpan (Jack Dee), others who are ‘lovable buffoons’ (think of Tommy Cooper, and now Lee Evans), comedians who have a ‘persona’ (Dame Edna, Les Patterson) and there’s storytelling (a lot of Billy Connolly), one-liners (Jimmy Carr), impressionists (Alistair McGowan), ‘smart arses’ (Steve Martin), confrontationalists, ‘comic messiahs’ (think George Carlin) or simple ‘outsiders’. You might laugh at something I don’t find funny at all. And vice versa.

It’s been very, very difficult to choose the nine finalists tonight from the 20 or so who have been competing. For the past three consecutive Thursday nights, I have turned up at Las Cuevas or 7 Sins bar to witness all the acts. I have laughed loads, there have been some amazing performances, some excellent free comedy, and some brilliant ‘compère-ing’. I’ve seen performers from Sweden, Ireland, Scotland, London, Canada, Chile, New Zealand, Australia, Los Angeles, even homegrown Catalunya. I’ve seen nerves, real nerves – I’ve seen sweat – I’ve seen hands shaking – I’ve seen trembling – I’ve seen voices and mouths drying up – and I’ve seen talent – I’ve seen it all – and I have the utmost respect for every single one of them. What I learned about stand-up is that it is fucking hard. Nothing more, nothing less. It takes guts (and insanity) to stand up on stage and try to make an audience laugh for 6 minutes – let alone 8 minutes. My advice to you performers tonight is to relax and enjoy the experience. Look at the crowd, make eye contact, and try to get a joke in as quickly as possible. They’ll laugh. And when they do, it’s an exhilarating experience. It’s an experience you’ll keep forever – and so you’re all winners – every single one of you. You should be proud of yourselves.

You will eventually be able to read about this in much more detail (if you wish) … in a sequel to A Load of Bull (Spanish edition Mucho Toro), currently with the working title of A Load of Barça. But here’s a snippet:

I was relocated to Barcelona in June 2007 to run a magazine publishing company, with clear instructions to try and take them more ‘upmarket’, to negotiate and launch new international licenses for the Spanish market, specifically in the sector of fashion and lifestyle (where the big advertising bucks are), and to compete with Condé Nast, my old employers. Condé Nast know a thing or two about publishing glossy magazines. The new group I worked for do not.

Immediately, in late 2007, I set about securing the license for Grazia magazine in Spain (owned by the highly respected Italian group, Mondadori) – a weekly fashion and news magazine that is very successful in other countries. Over a period of four years (and in addition to all other magazines we were publishing, launching or re-launching), we created three ‘number zero’ dummy tests for Grazia in Spain. We did exhaustive market research, countless qualitative and quantitative studies, endless focus groups and presentations to potential clients, target readers, distribution channels, PR & marketing agencies, you name it. I managed to hire one of Spain’s top magazine editors (she’d worked for me on Spanish Vogue), an excellent fashion director and design team, a dedicated commercial team, and we set up new offices in Madrid (around the corner from my old Condé Nast offices in ‘Sir Rhino Twes’ in fact) … and I was back, doing it all over again, bumping into the same faces, friends, clients, agencies, journalists, photographers and contributors from the Vogue and GQ days …

After 5 years preparing the launch, I was kicked out of the company just two months before launch (February 2013). I can’t go in to all the details here (rumours came out in the trade press at the time, I believe), but here’s a clue: cronyism. What’s that in Spanish? Amiguismo?

Grazia was launched, but not how I’d created and planned it to be. Its target audience appeared to be much younger than I’d envisaged. After a few editions, it even changed its raison d’être, or razón de ser, and there was no news – there was no reason to buy it on a weekly basis. Its weekly covers looked like monthly fashion magazines. There was no promotion, no marketing, no strategy … nothing at all.

I have learned today that the company I worked for has announced it will no longer continue with Grazia. It has not even lasted 18 months. I feel very sad for the editorial, commercial and marketing teams that I recruited – who stood by me, many of them incredulous at my sudden departure. I hope that the owners of the title, Mondadori, find a new home for the magazine in Spain. It is a great title, a great brand, and has a great future. It just needs a group behind it that knows how to publish magazines …

Sat 24 May 2014 (Barcelona)

I returned from the Cannes Film Market a few days ago.

The Cannes Film Festival ends tonight.

Some of the prizes have already been awarded. Hungarian director Kornél Mundruczó has won the ‘Un Certain Regard’ prize for White God – a film about a canine uprising. He therefore also won the ‘Palme Dog’ award a few days ago (seriously). The jury prize in the same section of ‘Un Certain Regard’ went to Swedish director Ruben Ostlund’s Force Majeure, about a family in crisis during a skiing vacation. Outgoing Cannes president Gilles Jacob apparently took to the stage during the awards for ‘Un Certain Regard’, first created in 1978, to say that he wanted to celebrate ‘unpronounceable names from our foreign lands’. I’d been hoping that British writer/director Andrew Hulme’s Snow in Paradise was going to win something. I’d briefly met the producer, Christine Alderson from Ipso Facto Films, at the European Film Market in Berlin, and had been following her experiences at a UK Film seminar, press conferences and on the red carpet at Cannes – but despite the great reviews, the film’s team received no awards. Perhaps their names weren’t unpronounceable enough.

The top prizes for the main selection, the Palme d’Or, will be awarded tonight during the closing ceremony at the ‘Palais del Festivals’, with jury president Jane Campion announcing the winners. Mike Leigh’s Mr.Turner received rave reviews and must be in with a chance to win the main prize, with Timothy Spall as possible ‘best actor’ for his role as the painter JMW Turner. But some say that as it was shown so early in the competition (it was the first of 18 films competing), it might not be ‘uppermost’ in the jurors’ minds. From the reviews I’ve read, I predict that Spall will win best actor – Marion Cotillard will win best actress for her role in Two Days, One Night – but that the Palme d’Or will go to …

Russian director Andrey Zvyagintsev’s Leviathan.

Why?

Not just because it has received rave reviews (The Guardian has described it as a ‘masterpiece … a movie with real grandeur’), or that it was the last film to be screened in competition – or that the director is unpronounceable enough. It was also snubbed by Russia’s minister of culture Vladimir Medinsky, who cancelled plans to join the film’s delegation on the red carpet at Cannes, stating that he ‘did not like it’ and that there was ‘abundant profanity’ in the script. What better publicity? What with Pussy Riot, the Sochi Olympics, the on-going homosexual persecution, the invasion of Ukraine – and now even Prince Charles comparing Putin to Hitler … Russia hasn’t exactly enjoyed the best of Cannes, either. I heard that many Russian film executives had to cancel their travel plans and hotel reservations, with reports that their credit cards weren’t working, thanks to the international monetary sanctions.

It might be that Medinsky snubbed Leviathan because it is a powerful drama of local corruption and intimidation set in Putin’s contemporary Russia. It tells the tale of a family man stripped of his seaside home by the crooked mayor of a small North Russia town.

So, thanks to the snub from its culture minister, is Russia about to receive its Cannes ‘moment’? A little bit like the anti-Russia Eurovision ‘moment’, but without the beard and the dress …

In the meantime, I must press on with the film we are producing. I now say ‘we’ because the Cannes Film Market meetings couldn’t have gone any better. It is a UK-Spain co-production, with no Russian participation, and I’m 100% sure we won’t be snubbed by any British or Spanish culture minister on a red carpet a year from now …

(To be continued … )

Monday 19 May 2014 (Cannes)

It’s our last night in Cannes … at least for this year.

I don’t think it could have gone any better.

Now waiting for Right Said Fred to turn up for an ‘impromptu’, ‘unplugged’, ‘acoustic’ performance – whatever that exactly means. I’ve been asking them for the past 3 days about ‘the concert’ – and all they ever reply is, ‘It’s not a f*****g concert’.

Tomorrow, first thing, I head back to Barcelona. I will update on the ‘concert’ when I arrive …

(To be continued)

Sunday 18 May 2014 (Cannes)

Quick update.

Sunday – often a day of contrasts – especially today. Around 11am, I buy my Sunday Times from a news kiosk near the ‘Théâtre Debussy’, where they’re hoovering the red carpet in preparation of an elegant lunchtime premiere of Spanish director Jaime Rosales’ Hermosa Juventud (‘Beautiful Youth’) – a film about two lovers, aged 20, struggling to survive in today’s Spain – and which is competing in the ‘Un Certain Regard’ competition of the Cannes Film Festival.  Then I stroll further along the Croisette, trying to make my way to a meeting at the Carlton Hotel, and I see totally the opposite of ‘beautiful youth’ …

The elderly yet mega-franchise stars, Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Mel Gibson and Harrison Ford, all riding on top of tanks to promote the forthcoming Expendables 3 movie. ‘We are children with arthritis, we are young forever,’ Stallone said at the press conference later on, when he was asked how he and his co-stars would know when it was time to stop acting in action films. ‘I think if you wake up in the morning and your ass falls off, it’s time to retire,’ he added.

The Expendables franchise has made about $580m at the box office to date. The first two films were rated R, whilst the new one will be PG-13 – which means it will probably gross even more. Jason Statham, Antonio Banderas, Wesley Snipes and Dolph Lundgren were also there – also on tanks.

Tonight I’m going to try to gatecrash the Expendables party, although I think I’ll need a tank to succeed. Watch this space …

(To be continued … )

Fri 16 May 2014 (Cannes)

As explained in part (1), this ‘diary-blog’ is supposed to be (and will be), part ‘present day’ as well as ‘flashbacks’ – the flashback bits to explain how I’ve got where I am today with the film project, and where I’m now going with it. If you stick with me, I’ll take you all the way (eventually) up the red carpet. But whilst I’m here in Cannes, in between meetings, I only have time to write brief updates on some fun moments each day …

So … Friday 16 May 2014. Fred and Richard Fairbrass have arrived – better known as ‘Right Said Fred’. If needed, here is some information about them. These are some of my favourite ‘Fred Facts’:

With over 200 million CDs sold worldwide, Right Said Fred have achieved multi-platinum status and also won two Ivor Novello Awards, for ‘I’m Too Sexy’ and ‘Deeply Dippy’. Before forming the band, the Fairbrass brothers had played with Bob Dylan, David Bowie and Mick Jagger. Right Said Fred are the first UK band since The Beatles to reach the number one slot in the USA with a debut single. Their many hits also include the Comic Relief hit, ‘Stick it Out’, ‘Don’t Talk, Just Kiss’, and ‘Stand Up (For the Champions)’, which was a top 10 hit in Germany and even No.1 in Japan. ‘Stand Up’ became a hugely popular anthem for sports channels and sporting events, including at the Super Bowl and World Cup, where Right Said Fred performed live at the 2006 opening World Cup ceremony in front of 200,000 people at the Brandenburg Gate in Berlin – can you imagine that? They were also special guests at the Bollywood Awards in Mumbai in front of a live TV audience of 200 million. Tom Hanks impersonated Right Said Fred on ‘Saturday Night Live’, singing “don’t cut off my testicles”. Oh … and Madonna once publicly expressed her desire to go to bed with Richard Fairbrass – in front of 60m viewers on the USA’s Arsenio Hall Show.

Fred and Richard, along with Johnny Depp, Liam Neeson and Sting (only ‘legends’) made a special appearance on Ricky Gervais’ hit TV series, ‘Life’s Too Short’ – and the brothers also appeared in cameo roles in the Universal Pictures UK movie, Gridiron.

Personally, I think Fred and Richard are two of the most interesting, funniest, kindest, ‘coolest’, dynamic, creative, generous, talented, ‘ageless’ and down-to-earth guys I’ve met for many, many years. I could spend hours listening to their stories and experiences (and there are many) – and I feel incredibly lucky to have been introduced to them in the first place and to now be sharing some time with them here in Cannes.

As soon as they arrived – yesterday afternoon – within an hour of just being here, they were invited to perform at a club on Monday night …

Why are they here? For several reasons. They’ve just filmed a British comedy-gangster-style movie called ‘Meet Pursuit Delange’, currently in post-production and already creating a terrific buzz here at Cannes. And they’re also ‘on board’ for my own project – not just with some very funny cameo roles (even though I say so myself), but also working on new song ideas for the ‘original sountrack’ … all to be announced in due course. So, Fred and Richard being the type of great guys they are, have come to Cannes to enjoy their very first film festival, and to also support me, and to accompany me to some meetings …

Strolling with them between a couple of meetings today, they are frequently stopped by people in the street, posing for selfies and more – and they’re happy to chat to anyone who wants to chat with them. Including Spandau Ballet …

The moment occurs as we arrive for a meeting at the ‘Plage Royale’ beach pavilion, opposite the Grand Hotel. We are to have coffee with an important film finance group, but as we arrive, Spandau Ballet’s Tony Hadley – in Cannes with Martin Kemp to promote ‘Soul Boys of the Western World’, a documentary about the band – catches sight of ‘The Freds’ and calls out. Suddenly there’s alot of loud laughter and bear-hugging going on between Tony, Martin, Fred and Richard – they’re clearly all delighted to see one another again.

And me? Well, I’m just standing there, looking a complete … prat, to be honest … in my jacket and stripey shirt, cufflinks, sweating rather profusely in the sun … wondering when they’re all going to stop hugging one another. Obviously I’m Not Sexy Enough to be strolling around Cannes with Right Said Fred, or to be hugged and kissed by Spandau Ballet. But then suddenly my moment comes.

‘Are you coming to our drinks party tonight?’ Tony Hadley asks Richard.
‘We can’t,’ says Richard. ‘We’ve got other plans … with Tim.’

So there you go.
It’s more important (and fun) to go out on a date with me rather than with Spandau Ballet …

Don’t ever forget that.

(To be continued …)

Thurs 15 May 2014 (Cannes)

Today, ‘Right Said Fred’ arrived in Cannes.

Apparently we’re going to have some ‘soundtrack meetings’.

And there’s a rumour about a little concert.

Normal service will resume with the ‘Making a Movie’ blog in due course …

(To be continued)

Weds 14 May 2014 (Cannes)

Forget all the pre-premiere controversy surrounding the film, ‘Grace of Monaco’ – the after-premiere party is incredible …

It takes me about 7 hours to drive to Cannes from Barcelona, including a detour to pick up some ‘trailer’ DVDs from my director, for various meetings that I have.

I finally arrive at 4pm, in time to collect my market badge and ‘goodie bag’ full of film catalogues, before heading off to see a screening being held by our Spanish co-producer …

I have no idea where I’m staying – but I’m told there’s a sofa-bed somewhere in a couple of apartments that my good friends at Park Entertainment from London are renting. Park is a respected film & TV sales and distribution company run by the charming Jim Howell (together with his son, Paul) – who I first met at my first AFM in November 2004, after pitching my script to him. I’ve since learned a great deal from him over the years (including not to pitch any more scripts to him). Not only has he more than guided me on the project, I’ve followed him to Cannes twice before, and back to AFM, too. Over the past 10 years, he’s turned up to support me at my book launch and even had to witness me making an arse of myself trying stand-up at London’s Comedy Store. If you can face that, you can face anything.

So … Grace of Monaco. You’ve probably read about it already. In a statement released last week, the Monaco royal palace called the movie ‘totally fictional’ and based on inaccurate and dubious information, stating that the film cannot be considered a biopic. Their statement said that ‘the trailer appears to be a farce and confirms the totally fictional nature of this film. It reinforces the certainty, left after reading the script, that this production, a page of the Principality’s history, is based on erroneous and dubious historical references. The director and producers refused to take into consideration the many observations made by the Palace because these called into question the entire script and the characters of the film.’

On top of this, there have been reports that the movie has been the subject of a tiff between director Olivier Dahan and producer Harvey Weinstein, with the former saying that his film is finished but that he doesn’t want to sign off on a version The Weinstein Co. would like to release in the States, where it is still waiting for a release date. I’m not sure if all this has been blown out of proportion or not. Explaining that his schedule was double-booked, it’s true that Harvey Weinstein failed to make the red-carpet premiere in Cannes … otherwise I would have pounced on him again …

Instead, I pounced on the beautiful Paz Vega at the after-party at Studio 5, at the Palm Beach end of La Croisette …

(To be continued)

13 May 2014

… so, to continue …

In November 2004, nearly 10 years ago now, I went to my first ever film market – to ‘AFM’, the American Film Market, in Santa Monica, Los Angeles. But I had absolutely no idea what it was.

I’d initially gone to LA and downtown Hollywood for a ‘Screenwriting Expo’ – 4 days of seminars, workshops, talks, discussions and pitching – as my original plan was to try and sell the screenplay I’d written (by then, thanks mainly to Final Draft software, it was in better shape than the original 1998 pencilled version). Someone at the ‘Screenwriting Expo’ suggested that I should also head to ‘AFM’, which was being held the week after. So I did. At the time, I knew what actors, agents and directors did, but I had no clear understanding about the difference between producers, co-producers, executive producers, line producers or associate producers, nor sales agents and distributors, or the meaning of terms such as pre-sales, negative pickups, gap financing, completion guarantees, ‘independent v studio’, ‘domestic v foreign’, let alone ‘above’ or ‘below the line’ items on a ‘line-produced budget’. I also thought that international ‘B.O.’ meant something other than ‘Box Office’. At the time, it didn’t matter. I was in LA, in Hollywood, in ‘la-la-land’. I was briefly living the dream. Things suddenly got exciting and I was invited to drop the script in at Paramount Pictures. Maybe I was naïve but it felt good. I even phoned Patsy Parfitt, my dear mother, from the famous ‘studio-lot’ to tell her where I was standing. [‘Guess where I am. Guess, Patsy.’ ‘I can’t, it’s one in the morning.’] I simply believed that everyone who said that they loved my script, and loved me (or maybe it was my British accent, I can’t quite remember) and really, really, really wanted to make my movie, were genuinely, no, honestly, seriously, really, really, really speaking the truth. I had a lot to learn.

At that first AFM, I soon learnt that a ‘film market’ is mainly where sales agents and distributors meet to negotiate the sale/purchase/licensing of film distribution rights for territories around the world. Mainly for films that are already complete, or in post-production, or currently filming – i.e., ‘in production’. Also for films that are officially in ‘pre-production’. And sometimes, sometimes for films that are just ‘in development’, but only if there are strong talent elements attached, such as a star actor or star director, or if the screenplay is written by a renowned screenwriter, or adapted from a bestselling novel, or simply irresistible.

But whilst the real business side of the film market focused on sales and distribution deals, many independent producers, studio ‘scouts’, film financiers, literary and talent agents, also attended … many looking for the ‘next project’. As William Goldman, my hero, (and much more on him later) wrote in his excellent book, ‘Hype & Glory’ … “No matter how much shit you may have heard or read, movies are finally only about one thing: THE NEXT JOB. Everyone in the business – I mean giant star actor, star director, studio head, all the way down to screenwriter – is ultimately obsessed with that and only that. The next job.”

The Cannes Film Market is the world’s most important film market – and the Cannes Film Festival places a big emphasis on its parallel event as a way of promoting the ‘dual cultural and economic nature of cinema’.

Here are some figures for you: at the Cannes Film Market, the Marché du Film, there will be 5,049 companies, 11,700 participants from 108 countries, 397 exhibitors, and 1,341 screenings. A total of 5,364 films are represented this year, of which 3,101 are already completed, and 3,340 being presented for the first time at a market. There will be approximately 20,000 film professionals descending upon Cannes this week, including 3,200 producers, 2,300 theatrical distributors and 1,500 sales agents. A lot of them looking for the next project …

[Quick flashback]: Monday, 18th May 2009 – my first ever visit to Cannes. It is my last day. Before driving back to Barcelona, some producer friends in London have recommended that I should pay a visit to the Hôtel du Cap, Eden-Roc, the address of which, ‘Boulevard JF Kennedy, Antibes’, midway between St.Tropez and Monaco, ‘perched on a rocky promontory overlooking the Mediterranean’ is tempting enough. Sure enough, the world’s most celebrated artists, writers, film stars and politicians have apparently ‘strolled the jasmine-scented gardens and sipped the signature Bellinis in the bar’ … but I order a Coca Cola for 8 euros, which is all I can afford. I sit back to admire the starlets strutting in and out, trying to picture Gary Grant, F.Scott Fitzgerald, or Burton & Taylor propping up the bar … when in walks Harvey Weinstein, the man who has apparently been thanked more times than God during the Oscar speeches. Now … if you know me, you’ll know that I can’t resist it. I can’t stop myself.

‘Hi, Harvey!’ I say, getting up and offering my hand for him to shake.

‘Oh, hi!’ says Harvey, friendly enough – shaking hands – yet squinting down at my Cannes market badge, trying to work out if he really knows me, or whether I’m just another crank. There’s a brief silence once he’s figured it out.

‘I imagine you must get so fed up with people pitching to you all the time, right?’ I say.

Harvey smiles, even laughs. He seems very friendly.

‘Yeah, sometimes,’ he says, ‘but it’s OK … what is it?’

So I pitch my project to him. And he’s charming.

This week will be my third visit to the Cannes Film Market. This time I’m heading there with the project entering pre-production. I have an award-winning director, as well as Spanish and British producers ‘on board’. I have a star Hollywood actress ‘attached’ (sorry, I can’t announce names yet). I have sales agents negotiating to represent the film. I have film boards/commissions offering their support. I have key locations secured. I have talent agents in LA and London helping. I even have some very cool and famous guys working on some great soundtrack ideas. It’s been hard, hard work – still is and still will be – but thanks to the people who believe in me, we’re going to make it happen …

You might even find us in the bar of the Hôtel du Cap again …

(To be continued …)